Blog 1 : My True Feelings

Written on 22nd February 2012

Blog 1 : My True Feelings 

It's nearly 9 months now since my princess, Mia Rose was taken away. She was a full term baby, there is no way this should have happened to her. I thought I would be starting to feel better by now, but there are still times when it feels like it happened only yesterday and it feels like my world could just collapse at any second. 

I feel a lot of anger at the moment, not at the medical staff or anything to do with the events around Mia's birth, but at the people that I feel have let me down in the time since. So many people are quick to offer condolences and support in the days and weeks after the event, but it doesn't take long for this to disappear. The phone calls stop, the text messages stop and you are pretty much left on your own to deal with the most difficult thing that any human will ever have to deal with. At a time that you feel you should be surrounded by all the people that you thought cared about you, you suddenly find yourself virtually alone, with only your own thoughts for company. If I look at my phone, I realise that I was probably in people's thoughts for a month, maybe two before being left to get on with it.  

It's a common problem that people don't like talking about baby loss, why this is I don't know. If more people talked about it, and so called friends hadn't disappeared, then I wouldn't find myself needing counselling, but unfortunately that is the situation I find myself in.  

There are also the people who think that everything is solved by going for a beer. If you knew me, or tried to even think about what I've been through, maybe you'd realise that the last thing I'd want to do is go out drinking. All I want is to feel that I'm in people's thoughts, and for every now and then, people to ask me how I am, and actually genuinely mean it. These moments are few and far between. 

Despite all the negative thoughts above, there have been some positives. There are certain people that we have become closer to as a result of this. There are certain people who just seem to have the right words, and are not ashamed to share them.  

One thing to remember, is that when you speak to me, text me, tweet me or facebook me, I know whether you are genuinely concerned or not. I am eternally grateful for having the genuine people around me, but refuse to waste any more time on the others.