Tuesday 21 May 2013

Blog 12 : Contrasting Households

Blog 12 : Contrasting Households 

My best friends have just had a beautiful baby girl. I am absolutely over the moon for them and it was a genuine pleasure to meet her, and hold her little over 24 hours after she was born. Her little fingers so delicate, every inch of her perfect in every way. She is quite rightly the apple of my friends eyes. This has obviously been a difficult time for me, such a major event to have to endure while the grieving process is still so raw, but I am quite proud of the way my wife and I have handled it. I have an enormous amount of gratitude towards my friends for the sensitive way in which they have approached the whole journey with us, allowing us to process the information and events in our own time.

This does not however, detract from the pain that has erupted inside of me. Going to their house to visit them the day after the baby was born just brought back so many emotions, and emphasised our loss so much. Seeing their happy faces and the obvious joy that the new baby brought to the house only emphasised the sorrow and despair that was instilled in us on our return home. I have wrote about this before, but the baby girl cards that sat on the fireplace were in direct contrast to the sympathy cards that were displayed in our house. Our mournful flowers of sympathy were replaced by bright and joyous flowers of congratulations in our friends house. The pink gift bags overflowing with pretty pink clothing was something that we never got to receive, yet we would give anything to have had that experience. 

I am not jealous, as jealous suggests that I don't want my friends to be happy about their families new addition, I am over the moon that they have got their perfect little girl to add to their lovely little boys. What I do feel is cheated. I feel that Mother Nature has let me down, often leaving me asking the question "Why Us?". It's a question that will never be answered unfortunately. 

3 comments:

  1. That's so poignant Steve. I feel so much for you & your family. Like you I'm watching a family member's little baby girl being welcomed in this last week. Like you, I'm feeling ever more sorrowful that our little one died. Mia Rose - lovely little girl that should be here x

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  2. Thanks Claire. Its so hard but I feel if we are left to deal with these issues in our own time then we can deal with them. Like you, we are always thinking of this new network of people that we have found ourselves in. Take care.

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