This is a short post about an experience I had last night. I was watching the final episode of Ricky Gervais new series, Derek, in bed. For those of you who watch Derek, I'm sure you will agree that it can be quite emotional at times. The underlying message of Derek to me is human kindness, a quality that as a society I think we are distinctly lacking in. Last nights episode took this to a new level.
Ultimately, it is not Derek's kindness that affected me last night, although it was already tugging at my much weakened heart strings long before the killer blow. I was lying in bed, head phones in, iPad on my knee when I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. This came as no shock to me as I had been filling up for probably 10 minutes before that, but as I heard the familiar organ introduction to Fix You start to play, I lost control. As the song so beautifully states "and the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace", I felt like I'd hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. The tears were uncontrollably streaming down my face, as all I could think about was what I couldn't replace, my little Angel in Heaven, Mia Rose.
Now if I've cried to this song once, I've cried to it a hundred times but last night I wasn't prepared for it lasting over an hour. I ended up looking through Mia's pictures, desperately trying to stifle my sobs and sniffs so as not to wake my wife who was asleep next to me. I eventually managed to calm myself down and I drifted off to sleep but last night was a vivid reminder that the pain doesn't go away, it's always there, under the surface just waiting for that moment of weakness where it can totally engulf your whole body and mind.
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